When Do The Tears Stop


A journey from pain to discovery.



A journey from pain to discovery.

The grief of parting was not new to me, but there had been no grief to compare with the absolute loss I felt with the death of my soul mate, my lover, my best friend, my husband – Jeff. At times the ravages of pain upon my mind and heart left me exhausted.

It was the humanness of him, no longer accessible, that drove me to moments of utter loneliness, of gut-wrenching pain. Little thing would suddenly trigger the pain and bring the tears streaming down my face. Little things such as only one tooth brush in the bathroom and the memory of his laughter.

The grief, frightening in its intensity, left me emotionally naked and raw. Doubts of long held beliefs tugged at my mind, challenged my fast held truths, my courage. But from deep within the heart a voice whispered. Almost against my rebelling will, my spirit took its first tentative step upon its new path of growth. My embarkation on a new life had begun. I was to learn that even in death there can be joy; that love cannot die; that communication with my man could still go on. Out of longing came an awareness of Jeff’s presence.

From the Editor:

A great book, Joy….a tale of a deep and marvellous journey shared with love, honesty and simplicity. Whatever gifts I have given, in the time and thought I’ve put into this book, they have been repaid many times over in your love, friendship and wisdom. May all of these continue to grow.

Best wishes for this to reach the people who need it.

Dallas (Daylesford)


Thanks for letting me read the draft of ‘When Do The Tears Stop?’

To be honest I cried through the first few chapters; I found them to be so personal and direct that it touched my heart. Not to mention the dignity and respect you afford your husband’s death and the days immediately following, which I found very touching as well.

The honesty and dignity you bring to your own journey can’t be discounted though. It is an amazing story of personal growth and spiritual development, and I feel privileged to be let in to your inner world.. The simplicity with which it is told makes it clear that there is truth behind your experiences and what you have learnt. Hopefully it helps others find their truth in matters of death and the spirit.

The poetry is beautiful, again direct, personal and eloquent. The way the poems are balanced throughout the book is great; presents them in smaller ‘chunks’ allowing the reader to absorb and reflect on each one in turn, and they create a lovely ‘feel’ for each chapter.

I was inspired by your reflections on the soul and the spirit world to review more detailed information….such as ‘The Seat Of The Soul’ by Zukav. Your book is not the same…it is a personal journey…but as you introduce these ideas you leave the reader to explore more elsewhere if they want to.

Thanks again and all the best for its publication.

Robert Bell (lecturer Victoria University, Melbourne)

Interview with ABC statewide radio programme

“It was awesome. You were really brave answering all those questions! Well done! You are ace!”

Narelle Thomason (Castlemaine)

“I listened to you with great interest. Good on you. You were very good….articulate, succinct and at ease.”

Tamara Bekier (Ballarat)

From the readers

“I want to thank you for your book. I found the need to read it slowly rather than all in one burst. The story is ssoooo personal that it’s quite confronting at times. Thanks for sharing your personal journey in this way with so many people, I’m in awe of the courage and power to open up in such a way.”

Beth Davidson (Geelong)

“Thank you for sending me a preview of your book. It is full of love, caring and depth…really beautiful as you put your love into words to help others. It will bring great comfort to many that have lost a loved one, as I have, as they struggle to overcome their heartache and loss.”

Merna (NSW)

“Dear Joy, I still have Tears of Joy in my eyes. I truly could not put the book down, wanting to know what happened next. The tears flowed as you sold your house, as I could remember our last horrible Christmas in our Family Home without Dad. And the Loneliness when all the people stopped coming after the Funeral. And my tears whilst trying to warm a cold house when coming in from work. Dad always kept it warm for me when he was alive.

Your pain I could feel and the joy, all the levels of Grief and the reality of it all.
Our philosophy of Life is the same, and I am Pleased to meet you, Joy.

You have the Unconditional Love I am speaking about, and what I am seeking still.
Through Love I am Healing, and my main saying and conclusion to Human challenges (after trying to work them out in my Head) is…”Too hard, Let Go Let God” 


“Having you share your story has been as though I have a secret friend. One who understands where my mind and heart go since the death of my husband in action in Afghanistan. I often feel I am living in two separate dimensions. It is nice to know someone understands my journey.”

Hildi Halley (USA)

“I can hear you speak as I read the pages which were filled with wisdom and sincerity. I especially like the honesty and vulnerability you show when you write about yourself. The book not only offers support but a way to turn grief into a gift and a blessing. I was reminded of what I could do to take steps in moving forward myself.

Congratulations on achieving an informative yet moving piece of work. I have no doubt it will light a fire in all those who read it.”

Barry Auchettl (creator of Conversations: an inspiration game, Ballarat)

“Thank you so much for your wonderful book! What an immense help to all going through grief of any sort. I send blessings for you and your work.”

Megan Don (author of 2 books USA)

“I was very moved by reading your manuscript – both to tears and also uplifted by your positive energy and love of life that shows through your writing. So thank you for sharing so much of yourself and your journey through your words. I am sure many people will enjoy and benefit from your wisdom!”

Sheila Hollingworth (cartoonist, writer and lecturer in writing)

“I found your book so easy to read. I can see it will appeal to anyone who has experienced the trauma you have gone through. Many will admire the book as it shows both prose and poetry in a way that is refreshingly honest and provides a remarkable vision.”

Dawn Barr (Swan Reach)

“Thank you for your book. I was quite moved by it. Apart from the relationship you had with your deceased husband (the kind of relationship many of us aspire to) there were many other points of inspiration for me. I think what you have written could be of help with the loss of anything that we have invested a lot of energy in. Love and gratitude…”

Angela (Ballarat)

“What an absolutely lovely book! I just couldn’t tear myself away from it. You have a lovely style of writing. I went through all the stages you described almost to the letter. Thank you so much for your book.”

Valerie (Sydney)